For 117 days I have been free of purging and cutting. For over 5 months I have been free of laxatives. For most people, these accomplishments would be enough to motivate them to stop restricting as well. But, for me, all this has done was cause me to hit the “plateau of complacency” as I’ve come to term it. The plateau of complacency is where ED lives and thrives. He wants all of his victims to find a home on the plateau of complacency and set up a permanent residence. On Wednesday, I called my doctor for my blood work results & every level that was tested came back normal–low, but normal. I donated blood today and was actually able to do it (I usually get turned away for low iron or low blood pressure). I made sure I walked the mile to the hospital today to get my blood pressure a little higher; it, surprisingly, made it to 120/80. So, here I am with normal lab results, not purging, not cutting, not abusing laxatives, only exercising 3 days a week…but also, still not consuming enough calories in a day to be considered healthy. Essentially, and mostly metaphorically, I’m checking out rental properties on the plateau of complaceny while real estate agent ED tries to talk me into it like a used car salesman. The upsetting part of it all is that I know that this is what he is doing, and I know it is wrong; yet I have stood on the plateau of complacency listening to ED’s sales pitch for so long, that it seems safe to be standing with him. I realized, last night, that I no longer want to hang out on this plateau listening to ED’s lies, so I got out some of my old journals and started reading. My hopes were to see how far I’ve come by revisiting my old writings. Unfortunately, I realized that what I am experiencing now is the same endless loop of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. All it did was serve to feed ED’s worn out sales pitch. Complacency is ED’s BFF (to use the language of a pre-teen girl). It is his way of tricking us into keeping him around and buying a house on his plateau of complacency. Continued property search on ED’s plateau will eventually kill you…and I’m not exempting myself from this statement. So, today, rather than listening to this sleazy sales pitch again, I am choosing to take time to really acknowledge and listen to my body, its hunger cues, its needs and make my way off of ED’s plateau. What will you do today to climb off of the plateau of complacency?
Curiosity doesn’t kill…complacency does May 18, 2012