“I want to encourage you to start reading through the Gospels right now, specifically noting the healings of Jesus. He is still healing people, and He will heal you, too. I love you,” my friend’s texted suggestion came in the middle of a very rough day as I prepared to go to my weekly session of HATCH at Eve Center. A day in which I was dealing with myriad trauma flashbacks, shame spiraling, and an even higher than usual hypervigilance. I was desperate for relief from the vivid memories and graphic flashbacks; anything to make the pain stop without turning to old patterns of self-destruction.
Even though I was sitting at a Starbucks inside a Target hoping to find solace in the bottom of an iced green tea, I pulled my Bible out of my bag; skimming through the tissue-thin pages until I got to the book of Matthew. I reread through some familiar stories: the birth of Christ, His baptism, the calling of the disciples, the sermon on the mound, and some well-known parables. As I read chapter after chapter, I began to wonder when Jesus would start healing some people. The irony that I was waiting for the exact same thing in my own life was not lost on me.
I then came across the story of a bleeding woman; seemingly haphazardly placed between Jairus requesting Jesus heal his daughter and Jesus leaving to travel to Jairus’ house to see his daughter. Despite being raised in church as the pastor’s (grand)kid, I had never encountered this woman’s story before.
As I continued reading the three short verses of this woman’s experience with Jesus, I felt something I’d never experienced before. I reread the words:
“Jesus turned and saw her.
‘Take heart, daughter,’ he said, ‘your faith has healed you.’
And the woman was healed at that moment.”
Matthew 9:22
Sitting there, in the stiff-backed wooden chair at the Starbucks in Target, I received my first (and only so far) visualization of Jesus. In my mind, I was transported to the safety of the Eve Center; where I was, at that time, participating in their HATCH program for survivors of sexual abuse. In my vision, I was sitting in my favorite chair at Eve Center; a red cloth barrel chair. Of course, I also pictured my body curled up into myself sitting criss cross, applesauce; I sit that way in every chair because it feels safe and because I’m so short that my feet don’t touch the ground. Envisioning myself tucked up into the safety of the red chair, I felt the presence of Jesus surrounding me. As I turned around in my chair–in my vision–I saw the bright light of Jesus behind me, wrapping His strong, safe arms around me into a loving embrace while repeating the words, “Take heart, daughter, your faith has healed you.” We both cried.
As quickly as it came, it was gone. I was back in the hard, wooden chair at the Starbucks in Target on that dreary February day. The only reminders of what I had just experienced were goosebumps, a warmth in my chest, and a love that I could finally sense was real. Jesus DOES love me, and He WILL heal me. I felt ready to go to my session and my flashbacks had stopped.
In just that short, few minute visual of Jesus I learned several things:
- Jesus loves me, and my abuse does not discount me from His love
- Jesus will comfort me when I am experiencing PTSD, trauma, anxiety, etc.
- Jesus will take care of me
- Jesus will never leave me or abandon me; with Jesus, I’ll never be alone
- Jesus affirms my worthiness as a child of God and that nothing can take that worthiness away
- Jesus will heal me
After that day, I wanted to learn more about the bleeding woman. Her story is mentioned in three of the four Gospels—clearly John didn’t know what he was missing.
The bleeding woman is unnamed in the Bible, but that is fairly typical given the social standing of women at the time. By the time she encountered Jesus outside the temple, she had been suffering from some form of bleeding for twelve years. In an effort to find a cure for the bleeding, the woman had spent years visiting doctors and paying for medicine. Medical knowledge was severely lacking in the time of Jesus, and none of these doctors or their medicinal remedies were able to cure the woman. Before long, the woman had spent a majority of her money on potential cures without any end to her bleeding. She was left penniless and still afflicted.
Unfortunately, another common practice of the time only worsened her condition and social standing. Leviticus 15:25-30 paints a fairly good picture of how this woman was treated: anything she sits on is unclean, her bed is unclean, her clothes are unclean, anyone she touches is unclean, anyone who touches her is unclean, any food she touches/makes is unclean, and just about everything else in her world is unclean as well. Her uncleanliness even disbarred her from participating in temple ceremonies; though it is only through the temple that she could declared ceremoniously clean again. With so much “uncleanliness” about her, it is likely that she was abandoned or rejected by society and even her own family. So, she finds herself afflicted, alone, and destitute. Talk about a trauma in need of Jesus’ healing.
Having heard stories of Jesus’ healings and then seeing Him outside the temple, the woman knew that Jesus was her only hope. The woman knew Jesus could heal her. In fact, her faith was so strong in the healing power of Jesus that she believed just touching His garment would heal her. She gathered up all her remaining courage, and rushed to the temple. As she pushed through the crowd to get closer to Jesus, she risked violating the social taboo of touching others and making them unclean. Her faith in Jesus and His healings was stronger than her fear of the potential repercussions.
The woman inched her way through the crowd that was pressing in around Jesus, reached out in desperation for His cure, and gently touched the hem of His garment—again, risking contaminating the Son of God with her unclean touch. In her belief of His great power, she risked everything to touch just the hem of His garment. Instantly, her bleeding was healed. Her faith in Jesus healed her the moment her fingers touched His robe; her affliction vanished, her trauma was healed, and she was free from suffering.
The moment she touched His robe, Jesus felt it. He turned to His disciples and asked who touched Him. The disciples incredulously asked Jesus how they were supposed to know—in a giant crowd of people—who was the one person who touched Him. Knowing she couldn’t stay unnoticed any further, the woman stepped out of the crowd and fell at Jesus’ feet. But why did Jesus ask who touched Him? After all, Jesus *is* the Son of God, and He knew who touched Him. He asked who touched His robes because He wanted the woman to publicly identify herself, profess her faith in Him, and allow others to see the healing she had received. He wanted others to see the immense faith and strength of the bleeding woman, and how His love for her instantly healed her when, for the last 12 years, nothing else had.
Jesus’ healing for the bleeding woman was more than physical. Yes, He healed her of her bleeding. He also gifted her with mental and emotional peace; healing her of her trauma and mental anguish. With the bleeding healed, the woman could also rejoin her family and become a member of society again. Jesus healed her bleeding and gave her life. Jesus redeemed her trauma.
Four months later, sitting in a pew at church, I anxiously awaited my pastor’s sermon on sexual abuse. I had known this sermon topic was coming, and I had been praying for strength to make it through the message. I opened up the bulletin and see the verses for the sermon, Matthew 9:20-22. “It can’t be those same verses,” I thought to myself. Flipping through the tissue-thin pages of the Bible from the back of the pew in front of me, I’m met with the familiar verses,
“Jesus turned and saw her.
‘Take heart, daughter,’ he said, ‘your faith has healed you.’
And the woman was healed at that moment.”
Matthew 9:22
Once again, I’m consoled by the verses that brought me comfort that February day in the Target at Starbucks. I’m reminded that Jesus heals. Jesus loves. Jesus redeems.
Jesus is bigger than any trauma we face. No matter what we experience, we—like the bleeding woman—can live out our faith with the belief that even a small touch of His robe will heal us. We can live boldly following the example of the bleeding woman; knowing that our faith in Him, combined with His immense love for us, will heal us of our traumas. Jesus knows our desperation—our need to be healed—and He is right there, waiting with open arms, saying, “Take heart, daughter, your faith has healed you.”
The same friend who suggested I read through the Gospels to remind myself of Jesus’ redeeming power of healing, sent me this song. Andrew Peterson wrote this song for his pre-teen daughter, but I believe the message is universal. God loves us. He’s freed us from our sins. Peterson writes, “If you are beating yourself up, all of that negative energy could be directed to the Lord and loving people around you instead of this downward spiral and endless loop. That’s where Christ wants to step in-between and tells us to let ourselves off the hook. Realize that we are all someone that Jesus delights in and was willing to die for, and don’t hate yourself.”
And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over.”
Mark 5:34
RheasOfHope 