Standing at the counter reading over lesson plans next to the cot of a napping student, I feel a small hand exploring the lines of the tattoo on my inner calf. I smile, ask the owner of the hand if he likes the tattoo of my grandma’s pin, and remind him to ask people if they want to be touched before touching them. I move a step to my right—out of his arm’s reach—and continue reading.
Again, I feel his hand on my leg, but this time it is up my mid-calf-length skirt by my knee. My trauma response immediately activates; I move away from him by several feet, gather my skirt at the knees as a barrier preventing further, invasive touch, and engage in paced breathing exercises to calm myself. I explain to him that areas of the body that are typically covered by clothing are private and personal, and should be not touched without a person’s permission. He nodded his head in understanding.
Later that afternoon, while walking back from the park, we stop at a corner to ensure safety before crossing. While he waits for the ok to cross, the same child from earlier lays his head on my breasts. I’m a short person—only 5’1”—so most children are of similar height to me. Reflexively, I step back, throw up my arms in front of me in a defensive position, and firmly state, “I don’t like that.” He looks back at me in fear and confusion; though I have frequently reminded him in the past that I do not like him resting his head on my breasts or tapping on them to get my attention.
My friend—who was teaching with me that day—observes our interaction from the front of the line and, right there on the corner, takes a moment to remind the whole class about respecting the bodies of others, where we can safely touch our friends (high-fives, handshakes, fist bumps, and hand-holding while we’re walking on the sidewalk), and that we have to ask if we want to touch anything other than their hands. Several little heads nod in understanding and agreement.
Back at school, I engage in activities that keep me away from this child; sweeping the floor for the end of the day cleaning, readying the children’s backpacks and lunchboxes for pickup, cleaning tables and chairs, and loading the dishwasher with their dishes from the day. Noticing my uncharacteristic actions, my friend asks frequently if I am ok. I lie, “Yep, I’m good.” At the dishwasher, after the last child has left for the day, my friend asks again how I’m feeling. The dam bursts. I had recently remembered some distressing details about my past sexual abuse, and the child’s actions that day had combined with those memories to create the perfect storm—a panic attack.
My pulse quickens. My joints lock as my breathing becomes irregular. Danger and pain feel imminent. I close my eyes because every outside stimulus feels overwhelming, but—with my eyes closed—I’m transported back to the place where my episodes of abuse took place. My hands and mouth go numb. I want to sit down but I can’t will my body to move. I’m crying uncontrollably; producing snot faster than I can wipe it away. My heart tries to beat its way out of my chest. My hands shake on their own.
My friend, recognizing what’s happening, takes control of the situation with grace, love, and understanding. She engages me in mindfulness activities (asking me to count the corners in the room, asking me to state what I see of each color of the rainbow, and asking me to verbally describe the room) to bring me back to the present moment and breathing exercises to reregulate my breathing pattern. By repeating our location and reiterating that I am safe here with her, she reassures me that I am secure and safe from danger; a fear at the forefront of my mind, inhibiting decision-making and rational thought. She encourages me to put words to what I’m thinking and feeling, and listens without judgment or condemnation; reassuring me to only share what feel comfortable sharing and not pressuring me to share more than what I was ready to. When she notices that closing my eyes seems to make the situation worse, she gently encourages me to keep them open and experience “being where my feet are;” a phrase we use to remind each other to be present in the place where our feet currently stand. She asks if she can hug me; the pressure of her body helps me to come back to the present and reassures me that I can be touched safely and with empathy—that I’m not in the location the episodes of sexual abuse took place.
Eventually, the panic attack subsides, and my body and mind return to baseline. My friend offers me a glass of water and encourages me to sit down. We sit together–holding hands–for several minutes to ensure the panic attack has passed. When I make disparaging remarks about what transpired, she encourages me to have grace with myself and accept her grace. When I apologize for experiencing a panic attack, she reminds me that it was an understandable reaction given the events of the day and my history of PTSD. When we leave the building, she asks me to let her know when I’ve arrived home safely. When I arrive home, she—again—extends grace and understanding.
At the time of that panic attack last spring, it had been over a decade since my last panic attack. I’d forgotten the feelings and how to de-escalate the experience.
Signs of panic attacks
These are the most common manifestations, but are certainly not an exhaustive list of symptoms that can present during a panic attack. Just because you may not experience every symptom on this list, doesn’t mean it’s not a panic attack.
- Sense of impending doom or danger
- Fear of loss of control or death
- Rapid, pounding heart rate or feeling heart palpitations
- Sweating (unrelated to weather conditions)
- Trembling or shaking in the body
- Shortness of breath or tightness in your throat, hyperventilating or feeling of choking
- Chills
- Hot flashes
- Nausea
- Abdominal cramping
- Chest pain or discomfort
- Headache
- Dizziness, unsteady, lightheadedness, or faintness
- Numbness or tingling sensation (paresthesia)
- Feeling of unreality (derealization) or detachment (depersonalization)
- Blurry vision
- Dry mouth
- Tightening of muscles
- Fatigue
What we can do to potentially de-escalate a panic attack:
- Learn about panic attacks to better educate yourself on potential triggers or symptoms
- Reach out to others—only if you feel comfortable with that person
- Grounding and mindfulness techniques—you can engage in then verbally or in your mind. These are a few suggestions that have worked for me. They may work for you or they may not. Do not judge or condemn yourself if these strategies do not work for you; explore further options and find what words for you.
- Counting the corners of the room
- 5 senses exercise–5 thing you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste
- Stating everyone you see of one color, and then doing the same with another color when all items have been named
- Splashing water on your face or holding ice
- Serial 7s–counting backwards by 7 from 100
- Weighted blanket or a hug from a safe person
- Smelling essential oils or a sachet of dried lavender
- Pace your breathing with breathing exercises—again, these are suggestions and may or may not work for you. Keep searching until you find something that works.
- Box breathing (also called Square breathing)—While imagining a square in your mind or tracing one in the air, breathe in for four counts as you observe/trace one side of the square, breathe out for four counts as you observe/trace another side of the square, breathe in for four counts as you observe/trace the third side of the square, breathe out for four counts as you observe/trace the last side of the square. Repeat as necessary
- Diaphragmatic breathing (also called belly breathing)– Place one hand on your upper chest and the other just below your rib cage. This will allow you to feel your diaphragm move as you breathe. Breathe in slowly through your nose so that your stomach moves out against your hand. Tighten your stomach muscles, letting them fall inward as you exhale through pursed lips . Repeat as necessary
- Speak, write, or internally voice your thoughts, feelings, and/or experience
- Progressive muscle relaxation or body scan
- Receive grace from others and extend it to yourself
What others can do to potentially help someone de-escalate during a panic attack:
- Learn about panic attacks to better educate yourself on potential triggers or symptoms and how to recognize them in others
- Stay calm yourself. If you become stressed or anxious, it will only add to the situation
- Ask the individual experiencing the panic attack if they would like your assistance and respect their answer. If they say no, that is their right as an individual, just stay near enough to them that they can reach out to you if needed.
- Remind them of potential mindfulness or grounding techniques and lead the individual in them if possible or if they feel comfortable.
- Remind them of potential breathing techniques and lead the individual in them if possible or if they feel comfortable.
- Reassure them of their location and their safety
- Listen non-judgmentally without condemnation or assumptions of their experience/feelings. Extend grace to the individual and accept it from yourself.
- Take care of yourself afterwards. Helping others often zaps the helper—no matter how much they care for the individual—of energy. Helpers need to recharge and engage in self-care as well.
The Lord says, “As a mother comforts her child, So I will comfort you” Isaiah 66:13a
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